One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
