...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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