Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
