im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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