haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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