I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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