TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
