WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
