I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
