oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
