She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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