two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
