It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize