Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
one might say we're banned from that church
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
