I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize