He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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