chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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