careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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