I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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