My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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