I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
