He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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