is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
