I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
