Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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