All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize