My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
