Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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