dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
