I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
