a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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