So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
