She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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