what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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