At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
