If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
