The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
