Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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