i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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