I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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