I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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