Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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