I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize