how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
