You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
