It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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