u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
