I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
