Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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