My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
