even my farts smell like vagina
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
