Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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