On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
