I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
