Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
