You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
