i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
