May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
