i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
