You made me cry and you don't even care
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
