He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
