it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
