I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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