i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
