she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
