Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
