She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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