I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
