theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize