Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
