so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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