I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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