I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
