Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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