woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
