party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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