You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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