I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize