we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
