Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
