Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
