to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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