I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
