Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
